Thursday, December 18, 2014

Falling Without Wings/Fly

I'm writing in tears..
Tears of joy.
Overwhelmed with strength, positivity, and appreciation.

So much that I once thought I would never rise from, is now under my feet.
All the ashes from the past is now beneath me. 

What once was a huge cement wall has fallen like quick sand. 
I know what it feels like to fall without my wings. To fall and break at the bottom, try to glue myself together and climb up and try again. Now I also know what it is to build your wings on the way down and soar back up. 

Now I soar free. My inner spirit is able to flow freely, soaring through the sky like a free bird, an angel.. I can see my wings.

My gift, spiritual ability and who I am and why I am here is evident. 

I only soar down to help others who don't see it yet. I love them and have a heart for them, for they too are precious and have a bright light within a broken exterior. That they too have what it takes to shine their light through the cracks of their brokenness. That its ok and actually much more powerful and effective to be exactly who you are, both dark and light. 

Love yourself enough to let go of what no longer serves you.
Embrace yourself so that your authentic light can shine 



Alyssa Gadson

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love is one of the most beautiful experiences we can come across in life. How many of us know what Unconditional Love truly is though?



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Love requires an understanding of humiliation. Dealing with people and different energies, and they're all at different levels, you're not always going to get the best experience, or the most romantic, happy relationship when dealing with Unconditional Love. There is pain and humiliation involved, especially when going someone who's been through a lot, has pain inside, or is broken in spirit.

Do you know how much pain someone has to feel for them to portray this type of behavior? They are feeling much more pain than the person on the receiving end. They are receiving the energy from the source, and then eventually passed on.
This is another reason why we cannot judge others and say that they are heartless for doing these things. Anyone can say that who does not understand and takes a genuine look at the person. Yes its a cruel act, whether its mental , physical, emotional, spiritual or verbal. Instead of judging that person and adding to their pain and making it worse, try to look at things with understanding , unconditional understanding, and see how their actions actually mirror the pain and war within the person doing the harm. There is obviously a great deal of pain within that individual to make these kinds of decisions and act out these behaviors.

If we are going to say we unconditionally love this individual, we have to take a nonjudgmental approach to this person and truly try to understand whats going on within them and how we can help this person become stronger within, and heal from whats hurting this person. Judging isn't a form or act of love, no matter how its done. It stems from the ego, and there is no ego when it comes to Love, especially Unconditional Love.

Every behavior that we portray is a mirror to exactly whats going on within ourselves.

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Real love, again, is difficult because you're dealing with someone else's inner self and energy, their hurt and all the actions that come with. The upside to it is that it builds confidence, character, and inner strength. When loving another person unconditionally, learn from every experience, good or bad, as you go along.

(***Just stating: this blog about Unconditional love isn't just associated with lovers. This applies to family, friendships, lovers, associates, people of all kind. Love is expressed in many different forms and can still be expressed unconditionally all around***)

Unconditional love and the struggles it brings, builds character, through all that you learn from along the way. The many different types of energies and spirits within people, how to better deal with them, how to not so much look at their actions for face value but rather what its trying to show you as far as whats going on within them, to not judge them for what they do, but love, help and support them through their pain so that they can heal and stop their destructive behavior, and so on.
Through the building and maturing of your character brings a sense of strength. As you're building your inner self and maturing and learning how to better deal with these experiences, you start realizing how much strength you truly have within to deal and manage through the ups and downs of not just only Unconditional Love, but also life itself. You become more confident in yourself as you grow as an individual and learn how to better communicate with people and understand whats truly going on around you. You become more aware of whats going on with those that you love.

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Again, yes we may all want to experience unconditional love and many people speak on how they love this way or have experienced it. But have you really?

Todays love is based a lot off of stimulation, what this person can do for us, bring to us, make us feel, and very idealistic. The minute this person stops stimulating any of these, the other starts having second thoughts and/or are ready to move on.
Again, this can be applied in many ways, not just for lovers. Parents/their kids experience the same problem, same with friendships, like anything else.

Real Love requires a deep level of understanding for who the other person is, their energy, respecting who they are, understanding their level of consciousness, knowing they're trying their best even with whats going on within them and to see them without judgment. Loving them without being ideal about it.

Even within yourself, are you displaying unconditional Love? Even with yourself?
Being exactly who you are, not putting expectations on yourself but rather letting things be, being at peace, taking care of yourself, inner and outer, doing what you love without judging what you're doing based on how others perceive it, treating yourself with compassion, dealing with your internal issues by correcting them rather than coming down on yourself, doing whats best for yourself, doing things everyday that make you happy, keeping your vibrations high, enjoying activities, foods and people that make you feel great... I can go on!

That same love, that unconditional love, regardless of what you do or your mistakes, to love the skin you're in and the Powerful YOU underneath that skin, thats the same love you can display to others. You must first love yourself this way. Everything that you display to others is a reflection of whats going on with your inner self. If you're in pain, you will cause pain, if you're at peace, others will feel peace around you, if you're uncomfortable, others will pick up on that vibration.

The more you understand, love, empower and learn yourself, the more clear you'll be able to see things, not from a egotistical, judgmental point, more from an unconditional, nonjudgmental point of view.
Learn Unconditional love, grow in it, and you'll be able to spread it with understanding on to others around you.

Positive Vibrations! Love you all!

Alyssa Gadson

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Sharing thoughts/ Energy

Just sharing thoughts..

I'm winding down from the day,
Been very busy.
And it felt good to treat myself :)
Went shopping and went out to eat with the girls.

I'm thankful for all the moments I'm blessed with in this journey. 

You know...
Through the ups and downs of this long journey, either way it has been amazing. It's amazing how I've developed through it all and I'm still here and this is only the very beginning.

I was also thinking about out energies. This is so important!! Your energy and aura is so important. 
I love tuning into my inner self and seeing so much. The energy you put out through your words and actions and thoughts and inner feelings are crucial to what you send to the universe to respond to you with.
That's why they say, "be careful what you wish for" "ask and you shall receive"
It's the truth. Even with knowing this principle, I tested it. I saw results within that same week. 
I get insights daily. I put my inner voice on the forefront. 
Just by someone's voice on the phone, I can receive visions and feelings letting me know if they're lying or not, what they're really doing on the other end, and other forms of insight. 
So much more goes into this and that's a separate blog in its own. 
I just wanted to share my thoughts with you guys on this one.
It's just do amazing... So amazing. 
Tuning into yourself is such an amazing experience and will enlighten you and show you your path and what's good and what's not, will enlighten you and reveal to you or should I say remind you of the answers you think you seek. The answers are within you. Just listen. Tune in.
Tune out of the world and tune into your own energy. You are infinite.
I actually want to find a nature park or somewhere here in California that there's nature and no city... And just wander and become one with all the natural energy out there and it's such a revitalizing experience. That would be awesome, since I've worked everyday so far.
To get away from the fast paced life and go and get consumed in all the natural positive energy .... :)))))
Just the thought of it is soothing 

A lot has been revealed and it's changing a lot for the better, even if that meant removing some people who's spirits weren't coexisting with mine because of negativity (either lying, bad intent, whatever it could be) and I just accept it and let it be.
Well.. If I don't blog again tonight, I'll go for tomorrow. I'm going to tune in and spend some time with myself :)
Love you all and I truly truly appreciate you all being a big part of my journey and many blessings and positive vibrations to you all, may those who belong in your life move closer, may those who don't belong move out quietly, and may you all discover the true infinite that you are.
Love you all 
Muah!

Alyssa Gadson

Alyssa Gadson: using your past to empower your future.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Childhood Trauma: Learning To Finally Let It Go

Its about time I start to learn to let this go already. As much as Im an ancient soul in a young body, theres a part of me that still is stuck behind. You know what Im talking about? Remember the little girl in me I spoke about back when I was only getting started?



For those who haven't seen it yet, this video was recorded 3 years ago, when I was first admitting and coming out the closet about the little girl in me:









Normally, victims of childhood sexual traumas take a long time to let go of the memories. It even affects you mentally and psychologically along the path after that occurrence has passed.



"According to a 2003 National Institute of Justice report, 3 out of 4 adolescents who have been sexually assaulted were victimized by someone they knew well "

"A child who is the victim of prolonged sexual abuse usually develops low self-esteem, a feeling of worthlessness and an abnormal or distorted view of sex. The child may become withdrawn and mistrustful of adults, and can become suicidal "



Some facts to help you understand whats going on here.



For those who don't know the story, I wrote about it 3 years ago as well:



My Childhood Trauma at 10-12 years old.. and another one...



Well, its time for that little girl to be happy, and grow and catch up. As you already know, Im on a journey, becoming whole and filling in the holes where people have taken from me and never reciprocated back what I give. Just to be whole would be the biggest accomplishment to me. Its not easy, as anything truly worth it isn't easy. It takes strength, endurance, patience and faith.



Its frustrating dealing with this already. I know when Im the one talking and when its her talking. Yes theres a difference. I can still hear her cry sometimes, I can feel when she's scared, when she's down.. her suffering... it affects my mood sometimes cause I can feel it too.



The pain from it is so strong spiritually that others who are very matured and in tune spiritually can pick it up and see it. Normally, those are the ones telling me " you need to let that go and let her grow". And yes Ive come across a few people who are very spiritually mature enough to see whats going on within me. When they look at me, they also see her too.



It affects me as an adult as well though. Its very hard for me to trust now. Very very hard for me to trust pretty much anyone. Genuine people and truthful souls have become rare and very cherished to me. Those who have shown me this, I don't forget faces.

It affects my relationships, my moods sometimes, I still fight through it and replace it with positive thoughts, because I don't want to prolong the effects more than what it needed to be.

So honestly, Im tired of carrying these memories. Im tired of her growth being held back by a family member who couldn't control himself, who couldn't keep his hands to himself.



All I can say to him is, "when you do wrong, wrong comes back to you. God bless you, cause I don't curse people. I know what its like to live with one, so I don't wish one on anyone. But I won't let you hold her back anymore. She no longer belongs to you and your memories that haunt her. She's destined to grow and thats what will be from now on. As a child, there wasn't exactly a hero in her sky, so now me as an adult, Im going to be. Im going to show her the love and respect that you damaged in her. Again, God bless you."



Ive cried about this in private several times. Im tired of her being depressed, crying and sad most of the time. Its distracting to the growth that I have made thus far. Its not her fault, no one around her helped her. Meaning.. when that happened to me, after such a period of time of it happening so much, I couldn't take it anymore and tried reaching out to a few adults around me and they did Nothing... nothing at all. Useless was an understatement. Ive always felt alone, no matter how many people are around me, I feel alone. Because this is one of the roots why. I pretty much raised myself because if all they did was provide for me, they didn't raise me technically. All the other factors were neglected, especially when I needed it most, which was at that time. Thats why things started getting worse after that.



So, Ive reached a point in my life now, where everything is coming together, succeeding. Who am i to leave myself behind on that though? She's one of the most important parts of me becoming completely whole and at my full potential. So yes she's crucial.

Its time to let this go and let her grow into the strong young woman she is supposed to be. Its like Im looking after myself.

Thats ok. Thats part of loving yourself.When you love someone, don't you look after them or look out for them? you have their best interest in mind?

Well do the same for you too. Love is incomplete if you can't demonstrate it towards yourself.



"Desperate for chainging, starving for truth, closer to where I started, chasing after you... Im falling even more in love with you, letting go of all Ive held on to.... " LifeHouse



Music helps me express how I feel.

Everytime I hear LifeHouse-Everything , I cry...



Honestly, Im a firm believer in things happening when they need to in your path. Theres a bigger reason why it took until now for me to pull things together and fill in the holes in my life. The process and timing, yes has put me through a lot but has taught me so much as well.



Time to become whole :)



For those who've been through the same, let it go. Its not worth you holding back on your full potential because of what someone else has done to you. Stay strong and make it a priority to love yourself passed all the hurts and holes within. Make it a priority to become all that you're meant to be, even with that in your past. Let it fuel you and your strength. Believe that you can rise from it and become better, stronger and wiser. Learn the strength you have within by how you deal with this. You are stronger than you think. Lets do this together. Im with you on this. We will become everything we've set out to be.