Tuesday, September 23, 2014
There's a quote floating around on Instagram.. I took a screen shot of it But because I have so many photos I don't know if I will find it. It goes something like:
"I rather walk in the rain with the man that treats me like a queen then to ride in a Benz with a man who compromises my happiness"
I tried to view things from many different points of view to understand why people post this type of quote. Some people read it and it sounds humble to some, others might actually not agree, wild to the summit sounds like the wiser thing to do.
But do we really know the true meaning of that? A lot of women that I know and try to understand and to put myself in their shoes, I would not actually go for that because most women are looking for security as well.
But then we go through certain things to shift our perspective in life. We start to narrow things down to what is actually important, prioritizing things to what we think will make us happy.
Just as well as I've studied other perspectives as well, I've also taken on my own and have pretty much stuck with it for many many years. I've seen how people can care about money and material things, and it tends to take the focus off what is really important in life. So I've never truly leaned towards the men who have it all because from my experiences I've seen how money can blind the real meaning behind fruitful relationships.
I'll give an example. Your man comes home, whether it be a mansion or an apartment, to me what matters is not the fact that he wants to put a smile on my face but how?
Everywoman likes gifts, but when it's your only resource to actually put a smile on my face, it's time to Move on.
The thing with most relationships that have heavy involvement in money is that they tend to lose sight on how to bond with each other without it.
I'll give you a little bit of my perspective on how I feel about it. I've always been a woman who can support herself, self-sufficient, independent. Whether I'm living luxurious or starting from ground zero, I've always been a woman with her own determination to build her own atmosphere, her own form of stability. I'm a natural Hustler and I like making my own money. Material things and money I have always believed that I can go get that myself and it actually feels better when I go get it myself.
When a man enters my life, material things isn't something I'm necessarily looking for. The question more in my head is "what can you bring to the table to complement my life without money and material? What can you give me that money cannot buy? Can you give me something deep? Something meaningful? Something everlasting?"
I've dated men who don't have anything all the way to millionaires and to me it doesn't make a difference. At the end of the day I'm still going to get out there and get my own money.
For man to be by my side, it involves love, affection, an actual meaning behind the smiles. Though I'm more than happy to take my time to get there, I do think of marriage and more children. A man with ambition who is anxiously more than happy to come home to me and truly spend time with me and take his time with me will bring me such a smile that no dollar amount can try to put on my face. A man who can stand there and stick with me through it all, and who sincerely loves me for me, is more than enough for me to pour my love into him and make sure he is fulfilled at all times.
I'm not looking for a pocket connection, I'm looking for a soul connection, a spiritual connection, a mental connection, & an emotional connection.
Nothing wrong with a man having success, whatever level of success he may be on. But if that is all it's going to be about, that's not enough for me. I've been with a guy who only makes 40,000 a year and it was awesome being with him, versus my other ex who makes $60 million a year and I was not as happy. I want somebody who I can kick it with, talk to about absolutely anything and everything and he understands me, he doesn't see judgments but pure understanding for who I truly am, he can vibe with me at home, yet spontaneous enough to just get up and want to do something with me and share as many experiences with me as he can. A man who is happy to have me by his side regardless of anything. And unconditional partner. Amanda want to comes to sex he's not just trying to cop a feel and get some but that there's true meaning behind the affection. Someone I can become one with, there's nothing that man won't have from me.
That man's happiness now becomes a priority and to make sure that he's fulfilled with love every single day is my priority and I am more than happy to do so. His peace of mind is a must!
Someone I can learn with, grow with, and learn from is crucial to me. No amount of money can provide that.
Through a lot of what I've been through, I've learned that growing on my own is something that I'm able to do. I'm not attached to anything or anyone because of all the evolving changes and losses that I've experienced. I tend to live life very independently, on my own, self-sufficient, I love taking care of myself.
A man's pocketbook is no concern to me.
In general, I've never looked at a man as a source of money or need to provide. If I have a man next to me it's because his soul sparked something in mine. I would have to see potential for love and a deep connection for me to consider dating someone. I'm so used to doing things on my own that if someone wants to stand by me it's because you're going to complement my life in some way shape or form.
I'm fine on my own, so to have someone Next to me is something that I uphold and I find special and exciting!
Besides, it's a very beautiful feeling to experience love with someone else who wants to do the same with you just as much as you do.
Being in love is a spectacular feeling! Now that is something that is truly priceless!
Monday, September 22, 2014
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
"Obedience reveals the amount of faith we have"
When we believe in something strongly, we tend to run with it. On the other end, if we have the slightest doubt, it tends to slow us down from how fast we accept or move on things in our lives. This can be applied in more ways than one. Business, relationships, self growth, spiritual, emotional, mental, educational, and so on.
I know when I believe in something all the way, then I'm all the way in. So how can we be all the way into something or even someone if we doubt, or have lack of faith?
Things cannot connect together in our lives if we are not willing to connect ourselves to faith.
Another example: if I doubted a business deal, it will be hard to put my all into the project/deal. Whether it be fear/doubt from it failing, possibly being done wrong, fear of lack of progress, starting something and not finishing it to see the fruit thereof..
A relationship. What if he hurts me? What if he's lying and he doesn't really feel this way? Fear that my past will repeat itself again in the present. Fear of getting close. Fear of giving my all to the wrong Person again.
It can go on with pretty much anything..
Why am I using fear so much? Fear is the absence of faith.
Faith allows you to stand strong and confident in situations even when you don't know the outcome.
Faith allows your dreams and ambitions to come to life.
Faith helps you Live your life.
Faith helps you make the most out of every situation.
Faith allows you to fight your spiritual battles and warfares within.
I can keep going..
By staying strong, confident, and pressing forward, it shows how much true faith we have within.
So if you're sitting there second guessing yourself and doubting your situations and worrying, ask yourself, how much faith do you really have?
Walk tall, be confident and know that the future is yours.
Connect yourself to faith, connect yourself to your future.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Sometimes whether it's someone in my personal life or in the public, I get questions like will I ever feel ashamed for anything that I do or anything that I've ever been through?
Understandably I can see how some would say yes but in my case there is no shame in my game
Everything I've ever been through I've always try to picture other people who are going through it and gain understanding and wisdom on others walks of life. Seeing feeling and experiencing the same tormenting pain the other people go through is enough for me to take the strength that I have and show them that they have it within themselves as well. I've walked many walks of life and I've publicly shown them all.
From writing blogging modeling acting adult film prostitution hustling homelessness abuse and rape, to mental health issues childhood traumas, self-destruction such as cutting burning, oppression, Depression, negative thoughts, losing a child through miscarriage as a teenager, broken marriage broken home to being exploited with a pimp and so much more recent things that have happened that I've overcome.
I've walked in so many shoes and in so many paths that I can open my own DSW. (Designer shoe warehouse)..
A leader cannot leave their people without compassion. Compassion comes from knowing and feeling and going through what their people who follow them go through so that they know the hope that these people need. Like I've said years ago in a YouTube video, "you cannot fulfill a need that you don't understand, you cannot help someone if you don't truly understand how they feel in and out. " i've walked down so many dark paths and been a part of dark world's that's help me understand why these people are in it. In darkest there's no hope when you're going through all these things.. Until they see someone who's actually walked the same path and has felt the same feelings that they felt and has had the same trials and tribulations that they've had and has had the same affects that it has had on them.
In order to lead effectively, and truly, one must be willing to open up to world and show the world all your scars and wounds so that does with similar scars and wounds will see that they too can have hope.
So their question was what I ever feel shame? Absolutely not it's quite the opposite and always has been and always will be. I've always put my story out there for the world to see because I want everyone to know exactly why am and that I know how they feel and I've been through it I've walked their shoes I've walked their path and me as a fighter I've overcome so much, and even when I couldn't go on I saw how God still held my hand to keep fighting to keep going to stay alive and He promised to renew my strength as He is fulfilling his promise now. I am undefeated because I spiritually roll with the team who is undefeated.
Nothing can bring me down. Nothing can bring you down.
I've been called crazy for this. I take that as a compliment.
I'm part of the few that's crazy and ridiculous enough to think and know that I can change the lives of many many people. So therefore I do so.
"You don't know me
I smile but inside I'm burning
I may look quiet but within me echoes the cries of all the women I had to set on fire to become a woman worth loving"
I used to be so hard to love. I've been through so much and I've had so many lives already, and there's so many "women" i've been within, that I've had to set on fire any and every demon from within from my past, on a journey to become a woman worth loving.
I don't feel like the progress is 100% finished, but I have made so much progress and the process has been so intense. But I will always believe that I am a student for life.
I love learning, I love growing.. Especially from within- spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.
I've always been that way. Even three years ago when I was homeless, I was still always on the search for more knowledge, more wisdom, and more growth even in the midst of all that pain.
Honestly there's nothing like intergrowth, even if it means to break your own heart and burn from within. No diamond becomes worth $1 million without going through cuts, and fire.
Everything and anything that you go through in life serves a purpose for your greater good. Everything that you go through is meant to contribute to your growth- inner and outer. The thing that people miss about that is to find the lesson in everything.
I can't fathom going through something, especially something huge, and it not serving some kind of purpose for my future. There has to be some kind of lesson that I had to learn from that because otherwise there would be no real purpose for me going through it.
Nothing in life lands on your lap for no reason. Somehow someway you needed to go through what you went through or what you're going through right now and it will keep repeating itself until you learn what you need to learn to move on. That's why anything I go through I tried to look for the lesson and the blessing.
I know that nothing that comes my way is for no reason.
And eventually I always do fine the blessing and the purpose behind all my scars and Tourman from the past, even if it's a small cut. It's helping to still create a beautiful diamond.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
When I was younger, I drew many images when I felt something from a vision. And I would draw it exactly how I see it and feel. I couldn't take breaks, it's a vision happening infront of me that I'm drawing on paper.. I'd mess up the vision if I did. It wouldn't be exactly how I first saw it, in it's rawness. How it's meant to be seen.
So I'd be on one drawing for 2-7 hours straight. No water breaks, nothing. Even through hunger, I wanted to draw the vision so much more, that I was waiting for after, to be able to relax, to eat, talk, to be normal again.
They came in bursts. I still draw to this day.
And every image has a meaning. Future, spiritual, along those lines.
It made me pay attention more to everything that happens in my life, everyone around me, how I feel, how I think. Because every image one day always comes to life.
Yes.. I was in pain for years, and it threw off my focus in my gifts quite a bit.. But now they are being strengthened again.. This time I'm not letting it go no matter what
"No matter how far you are... No matter how long it takes Him... Through distance and time I'll be waiting. and if i have to walk 1 million miles, i'll wait 1 million days to see you smile, through distance and time I'll be waiting..
You are always on my mind... all I do is count the days.. where are you now?"
I love you baby girl. No distance no time can truly keep us apart. You will be in my arms very very soon again and Lord knows the amount of faith endurance and focus on strength and love it's taking on my part but for you I will give my very all to see you again..